Why would a man who claims he cares about u and wants to b w/ u constantly have u in tears and make u feel ?

Like u just wanna die I have made mistakes in our relationship n When hes ready to discuss my issues he says i have it has gone on for hours ill try to tell him y i felt i did sumthng or said sumthin knowin im not wrong at the beginin but five six s hrs in im cryin wanting to die hell say there is sumthing wrong me i lack common sense he is repetative in his accusations n tell me no thats not y u did such n such its b/ c ur not capable of being real. i dont know how to explain it but he makes me feel like im crazy n tell me that im accusing him of thing i do or im twisting the convo! He wrote me a six pg letter front n bac telling me everything ive done wrong n then for hours going over it n the end im so numb and confused n ashamed i think i realize hes right nim crying apologizing. He dont yell or scream i see him holdin back his anger he dont u know how hard it is to hold back my anger if u were a man id beat u done. Or i need 2 b cut down sum times i wont c him for a couple days n im beggin him to come